A Happy Accident
by Fiyre
Summary: The life and times of the juvenile daughter of Saotome Zenjuro. Ficlet Series/Pre-canon
1. Birthdays For Old Men Are Sad

Ohhhh snap, new story. I should probably be working on something else but whatevs.

Anyways, I wrote this in about an hour, but I double checked for spelling and grammatical errors so it should be okay :)

Disclaimer: Why the heck do authors need to put disclaimers? This is Fanfiction. net, meaning everything is based on something the author didn't come up with...? Oh well. I don't own Beelzebub or any recognizable characters, got it? Kay.

* * *

Saotome Zenjuro eyed the ordinary-looking playground lackadaisically. The sky was coloured with pale pink and yellow hues as the sun began to rise, the park utterly silent. There was no one around as it was too late for delinquents to be hanging about and too early for ankle biters and gossiping mothers.

The swing set squeaked as a lone figure clad in plaid pajamas and bunny slippers plopped down on it. Zenjuro sighed and rubbing a hand over his stubble as he made his way over.

"Oi, Oi you piece of shit, why the hell are we here so early in the morning?" He drawled.

"I don't want to be seen with a pervert in public, you old geezer." She deadpanned.

Saotome sighed and took a seat on the swing next to the girl, the rusty chains squeaking in protest against his weight.

"Geez, you couldn't have changed out of your pajamas could you?" He muttered.

"Just in case somebody does see me with you I can tell them you kidnapped me." Was her serene reply and tossed him a wrapped package

He inspected the horribly wrapped parcel in his lap, tape and jagged edges of paper sticking up haphazardly in random places. Holding it up gingerly by one corner, he waved it around in front of her face.

"What's this?"

"Your birthday present stupid hentai," she scowled.

They quietly swung in silence for a moment.

"Your Mom told you didn't she?"

"Yeah."

"I wouldn't have thought she would remember something like that."

He filled the awkward silence with the crinkling of wrapping paper.

"Ya know, the... Pokémon wrapping paper makes me feel kinda old. You can't be any more apathetic to your old man's feelings-"

The object tumbled out of it's wrappings and fell into his hand and a sweat drop formed on his temple.

"A razor? _Really_?"

She smirked and pushed off with her feet, swinging back. "It's time to get rid of your peach fuzz, Jiraiya."

"You're just as stingy as your Mom, Akane." He sighed, rumbling a chuckle.

Smiling crookedly, Akane stopped swinging and looked at the man.

"Happy birthday, useless father."

"...Thank you, my cruel, otaku daughter."

* * *

Eh. This isn't my best work, and I _really_ should be working on something else, but I dunno, I had to write this down before the idea slipped away.

Anways, leave a review with thoughts or comments and tell me what you think, because I haven't decided to leave this as a one-shot or continue it as a drabble series :P


	2. Awkward Results of a One Night Stand

Why hello there Anonymous-Reader-Person. I decided to go and continue this story because there are still ideas running through that empty space in my head.

What? In the first chapter I only got one review, so why am I continuing? Cause that's jank, yo. HashtagYOLOSWAGSWERVE. HOLLA!

It's stupid that I wrote "hashtag" instead of just putting #? Too bad. And ye, I stole "jank" from iCarly. Cause that's how I roll. They see me rollin, they'd be hating.

Yeah I know, I'm a wannabe ghetto fanfiction writer. I'm not from the 'hood.

So this chapter is about twice as long as the first, and I realized this isn't a Drabble series. Derp. This chapter is over 1000 words, while drabbles are supposed to be 100 words in length... damn. Drabbles are short.

...Almost as short as my ****. Jokes, I don't have one.

I know. This is a BS authors note, and I'll probably rewrite this later, but I just don't care right now.

I don't own any recognizable characters homeskillet.

...Haters gonna hate.

* * *

10 years earlier

Akane: 5 years old

"Oi, Oi," Zenjuro drawled. "Is this really necessary? I have things to do, people to meet-"

"Shut up." Ikaruga Suiten immediately snapped. "Don't you feel any guilt for what you've done? Disgusting pig."

He cursed in reply, uncomfortably crouched in the thicket of bushes. The two of them were currently peering through the leaves on the ordinary playground of Ishiyama Park. It was one o'clock, the prime time of day when the playground was most popular. The benches of the surrounding area were filled with gossiping mothers, hawk-eyed babysitters, neglecting babysitters and young couples holding hands. The playground itself was teeming with snotty, giggly, bawling and shriek-y brats that Zen considered the worst turn-off.

Following that train of thought, he was suddenly too aware of how creepy they were and turned to the woman beside him who was engrossed in the scene before them.

"...Nazuna, isn't what we're doing considered pedophilia?"

"No it's not, you dirty old man." She scowled, for the fifth time that day. Not that he was counting. "Look, I found her. It's the girl in the sandbox."

Zen sighed and turned back to the playground. Sure enough, there was the girl plopped in the corner of the sandbox, the only one there short a Y chromosome. While the slide and swings were occupied by many girls, the sandbox was filled with boys with toy trucks and shovels.

The girl was young- barely out of her toddler years, still retaining her baby fat and stocky limbs, looking especially young with her red hair tied up in high pigtails. Wide-set violet eyes were intently focused on the small sand sculpture she was building.

"This is ridiculous!" Zen exclaimed. "She looks nothing like me. In fact, she's completely identical to-"

"Zen?" Inquired a voice from behind the two.

The two of them blanched and heads creaking, they slowly turned to face puzzled purple eyes.

"What the... you!" The woman hissed in disbelief, eyebrows drawn together and face turning almost as red as her hair.

"Hana," Zen finished wryly as her hand cracked across his cheek.

* * *

"Tell me, why again are you two here?" Hana sighed wearily, a hand flung over her eyes. After the humiliating (Zen) spectacle when she dragged the two out from the bushes, much to the interest of the adults of the vicinity, they relocated to the private shade under a tall sycamore tree.

"Give him a chance Hana," Suiten said, attempting to reason. "Its been, what, 5 years without child support? Don't you want revenge on the old bastard?"

"Oi, who's side are you on?" Zen snapped irritatedly, a blatant hand print on one side of his face.

"Certainly not yours," She snapped back. "Mr. I-don't-bother-to-use-protection. This whole mess is your fault!"

"He _did_ use... contraceptives." Hana grimaced. "Akane just happens to be that unlucky 2% chance."

"Akane, huh?" Zen looked over at the sandbox. The mini-Hana was gleefully mashing her carefully built tower.

Hana scowled at his wistful expression. "Don't think that I've forgiven you yet Zen. Even though she's related to you by blood, don't think you can step in after 5 years and declare yourself the father."

Zen ran a hand through his hair with a sigh. "I'm well aware of that. Considering the fact that you're here in the middle of the day babysitting instead of working, and that rock on your finger, you've long moved on. To a stable father for Akane, I'm assuming." His eyes flickered down at the diamond ring on her hand before turning back to the playground.

Hana gritted her teeth at his emotionless deduction. It always unnerved her at how cool and unruffled his demeanor was. She would be lying to say that it was not one of the characteristics that attracted her in the first place.

"Nazuna-san, could you give us a moment of privacy please?"

Suiten eyed the two of them cautiously, as if she was expecting them to blow up at each other.

When she was out of hearing range, Hana sighed and turned to Zen.

"Why are you here, Zen." She stated straightforwardly.

"My, you were never one to beat around the bush," Zen halfheartedly smirked, scratching the back of his head. "To be honest, this is all new information for me. When I came back to the human world a month ago, Nazuna came flying after me, ranting about how I've completely neglected my kid."

The pair was silent for a moment, watching Suiten awkwardly try to talk to Akane, who ignored her for the most part.

"You've seen her. Now what is do you intend to do?" The words sounded harsh even to her own ears, but as a mother she had to ask.

"Hell, I don't know." Lighting a cigarette, he took a long drag before replying. "I'm well aware I blew whatever chance I had with you. The least I can do is get to know the brat. Of course, only if you're alright with that."

"I'm pregnant." Hana deadpanned. Zen sputtered and the cigarette fell into the grass below, extinguishing instantly.

"The f-, don't you think that's about 5 years too late?"

"It's not yours idiot, it's Ken's. In nine months, Akane is going to have a sibling and the confusion of having different fathers is not something I want the two of them to deal with."

"Nine month's only?" Zen asked, casting her a long-side glance. "So that's the deadline of the time I'm allowed to spend with my her?"

Hana gave an apathetic stare back. "Like I said, I haven't forgiven you yet. Nine month's isn't the limited time you have with Akane, its the time I'll give you until I decide how we we can work out this... complication."

Zen contemplated this as he watched Akane yank at Suiten's hair, shrieking and grinning in devilish innocence. The truth was that Hana was being strangely generous in the whole situation. Nine months was beyond what he deserved for what he accidentally did.

"Before you _do_ go and talk to her I need to lay down a few ground rules. Your habits are incredibly uncouth for a girl her age." With a steely glint in her eyes Zen braced himself for the biggest scolding of his life.

* * *

...Yeah. So the first two chapters aren't that entertaining, but all introductions are boring. Right guys? RIGHT?

I'm not going to get on my knees and beg like Oga's Dad, but leave a review Reader person. Yeah you. I'm starting to feel like Furuichi at the Okinawa trip when Natsume took over his roll as the straight man.

RAHHH.


	3. She's A Piece of Shitake Mushroom

Zenjuro squatted down to face the girl eye level. She stared back blankly before looking down at her ruined sandcastle.

"Uh... hello Akane." He said awkwardly. Akane continued to squish her sandcastle."It's nice... to meet you."

Squish, squish.

"My name is Zen."

Squish squish.

"This is the first time we've met..."

Squish squish.

"But I'm your father."

Squish.

"You're not my Daddy," She said, finally looking up at him with a curious glance. "I don't live with you."

Akane turned back to her sandcastle.

"Ah... yes we don't _live_ together, but I'm your biological father."

Squish squish.

"Oi." An irritated tick mark appeared on Zen's forehead. This girl was beginning to piss him off. "Stop ignoring me you little piece of shi..."

_If __you __swear __in __front __of __my __daughter__, __I__'__ll __kill __you_.

"...shitake mushroom." Zen was sweating at the incredibly close call.

"I'm not a mushroom I'm a girl," Akane replied confusedly, pointing at herself. "Mommy told me not to speak to strangers, and you're a very strange stranger, Mr. Stranger."

"Well your Mommy- your _mother _is right. You shouldn't talk to strangers, but I'm your Dad so... I'm not a stranger to you." Zen finished lamely. _I__'__m __losing __my __dignity __by __the __second __talking __to __this __brat__._

Akane tilted her head to one side in contemplation. "So I have two Dads like Mihashi-chan? Mommy says that when two people love each other very much, whether a girl loves a girl or a boy loves a boy, they can-"

"HELL-Hello Kitty no, I'm not- your father and I are not together you little bra...bratwurst. Before your Mother got married to your Father she and I were together."

"Oh. So you and Mommy used to love each other?" Akane asked.

"...Er, no. We never got married and we weren't... we don't love each other anymore."

"Mommy says that you can never stop loving somebody." She stated matter-of-factly. "She told me that 'love is the strongest thing in the world.'"

Zen was momentarily stunned at her statement. "Yes, I suppose it's impossible to stop loving somebody. But your Mother and I are not _in_ love any more."

"Okay." She chirped with a shrug. "Do you want to build a sandcastle with me Second Daddy?"

"It's Zen. Call me Zen." He replied, both an irritated tick mark and a sweat drop forming on his temple.

* * *

From a few feet away, barely within hearing range, Hana and Suiten were eavesdropping on a park bench.

"She has spunk," Suiten smirked. "Reminds me of you, before you got knocked up."

Hana sighed, unamused while watching Zen fill a bucket with sand in an awkward crouch.

This was going to be a long nine months.

* * *

Oh poo. This chapter mediocre at best, but then again, I wrote this on a whim.

canoodles~


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